Dear Siobhan,As I
don't know anything about the details of the
present conflict between yourself and Dean, I
don't think I should attempt to offer any
detailed advise or guidance about how I might go
about resolving the difficulties, if I were in
your situation.
However, in a very
general way, I do believe that if you and Dean
happen to have one or more mutual friends who
would like to stay on good terms with the two of
you, even though you have now split up from each
other, that it might be worth asking them to act
as go-between/s for the purpose of helping to
negotiate a fair resolution. I can't help
feeling that any further attempts by you and
Dean to sort things out in isolation -- if that
is in fact what is taking place -- might only
make things worse.
In other words, a
Melbourne "Alex" (of the Dublin kind) might come
in very handy, if, by some piece of good fortune, you and
Dean happen to know such a person, someone that
both of you like and trust.
Apart from
that, and allowing for my lack of detailed
information regarding your difficulties, the
only other thing I can think of just now which
might help, and it's a big might I realise,
relates all the way back to stories I first
heard during my childhood days in Galway, believed for a
while, forgot all about when I grew a bit older because I
decided they
had as much truth in them as the stories about
Santa Claus, and then -- much later in life --
came back to thinking that there might after
all, in some way that's very largely impossible
for human beings to understand or explain, be
some kind of a symbolic element of truth in
them.
The childhood version claimed that
there were "White Fairies" --
"white" as
in
"brightness and clarity of mind"
that is, and nothing to do with skin colour
-- living in Ireland
that were the embodiment of everything good in
the universe, and that given the chance, they
could help anybody in trouble who would listen
to them. (They are NOT the "pushy" type!!) The childhood story was that they
communicated with humans using the services of
song-birds, so that what you had to in times of
trouble was to listen very carefully to the
song-birds during the day and especially in the
evening (before they go bed for the night), and that when you woke up in the
morning, you would have the answers you needed,
should you wish/choose to use them. As you
probably already know, that's where the name
"Siobhán" came from; it literally
means "White (
Bhán), Fairy (
Sióg)"
from the ancient Celtic
language origins of the name, which gradually
"progressed" in the way words often do
through usage "across time and place" from
"Sióg Bhán" to the present "Siobhán". And, apart from
their goodness, and being full of the
"brightness" and the "white-hot" type of
the extreme thermonuclear energy provided for them by the virtually
all-powerful Celtic Sun God "
Lugh" --
"Mightiest of the Mighty" among the
vast array of
Celtic Gods and Goddesses -- they were also said to have a
superhuman flair for being able to thoroughly
enjoy themselves, effortlessly as it appeared to
observers, in a vast range of ways which did not impact
negatively on anybody, or on any
thing: and, which frequently featured
"music,
singing, and dancing" of the highest
quality, often in the vicinity of silvery
rivers, lakes, and sea shorelines bathed in
pale moonlight.
The adult version, after decades
of working in the electronics industry,
surrounded for much of the time by
communications systems and computer systems of
the best that human beings were capable of
producing, left me believing that "Mother
Nature", in all probability, does in fact have
the means of communicating with all forms of
"Life on Earth": as and when "IT" chooses, and
by "communications and computer" systems which
are so sophisticated and so complex that human
beings are still a very long way off from even a
"one-millionth part" overall, good-quality,
in-depth
understanding of all the processes involved. The
most important part of the "daily process" in
humans happens during sleep I suspect. During
the day, all sorts of things happen which we are
aware of, or at least partly aware of, and these
things register in the brain as "information".
During sleep, particularly (I suspect) during
the early hours of normal healthy sleep, vast
amounts of high-powered "computer type
processing" takes place in the brain which we
are not normally in the slightest bit conscious
of. The processing in question is -- I strongly
suspect -- a "White Fairy" type of processing
which strives for all its worth to protect and
help us, as individuals, and to lesser and
lesser extents perhaps (?) as groups, a nation, and so on: basically by processing
our daily intake of "fresh" information in a
manner which takes full account of the vast
amounts of much older information stored in our
bodies, through chemically coded genetic
software and associated processes that can
survive any number of life/death sequences with
ease (and according to the wishes of "Mother
Nature" I suspect?): for as long as the direct blood-line
continues especially; and where, in parts, the
"old" information can be anything up to billions
of years of age: all the way back to the origins
of "Life of Earth", that is. When the "White
Fairies" spot processing results which worry
them to some extent, it appears "they" often lodge
messages in the more "conscious" parts of the
brain, which on awakening we recall as dreams
(or as very vague difficult-to-explain
"feelings" of one kind or another maybe).
In the case of dreams, the messages between the two different "brain
departments" (conscious/unconscious) are almost
always delivered in symbolic form into the
"conscious" area it seems (to me), which may explain why people
often don't understand what their dreams were
all about. As a psychiatrist I met in ** (in
London) years ago, once described it to me using
the following example, the dreams that people
might have which involve "peacocks", will usually
have little or no meaningful relationship at all with
peacocks of the feathered kind. Combinations of
symbols and images, moving and stationary, which
are rapidly cobbled together from the stored
information of the past, provide a much
quicker and generally more efficient means of communicating
complex, and often highly compressed ideas and
concepts,
than words on their own normally can: provided
of course that there are
"receivers" to receive, decode, and to interpret
them correctly: and which require all of
their "software switches" to be set to "
on". When the "White Fairies" spot something
during the processing which they feel is
urgent in terms of the person's overall protection
and wellbeing, they
normally (it seems?) wake the person up straight
away (or earlier than normal at least): and, if
necessary with a jolt, should they consider
the here-and-now "threatening situation" to
be really serious.
Basically,
what I'm trying to say is that you might, via
your dreams (and/or difficult-to-explain "vague
feelings" following a period of sleep), be able to access useful clues on how
best to go about finding the good "White Fairy"
solution to the conflict you are now in with
Dean: "good" in the sense of what's best for the
four people primarily involved and most impacted
upon by the break-up of the relationship between
yourself and Dean: namely
yourself (first), Grace (14), Connor (16), and
Dean (40 something). Also, and
although I found it difficult in the early days, with
practice and perseverance, and frequently using
pen and paper to try and guess at what the
symbols and images (and vague feelings) meant, I eventually
reached a stage whereby it became relatively easy
for me to "translate" the symbolic language
of dreams into "plain English". At the same time
though, I have to admit that there have been
times when I have had to give up, because it was
taking too long, and I just could not find any
"translation" that I felt happy with in the time
available to me: while remaining convinced
though that the combination of symbol/s and
images in question really did contain a
valid and potentially useful "White Fairy" type
message for me. Normally, I find the symbols
and images used are connected, often in an indirect and
sometimes very obscure way, with something that
happened in the previous 24 hours, or
thereabouts. Frequently, I've found it helpful
to write down a wild guess as to what the
images and symbol/s (often accompanied by
very "blurred feelings" of a negative kind) MIGHT mean, to begin with -- however
ridiculous the wild guess might appear at the
time -- and then wait for while to see how my
brain responds to the wild guess. A bit like the
way carrier-pigeons first need to fly around in a few
large circles about the sky, in order to gather
and process the information they need to set
the correct "flight-path" for the successful
completion of their journey, so it often seems to be with the
human brain
functions which lead to the "correct" (it's
impossible I think to be absolutely 100% sure)
translation of the symbolic language of
dreams.
The last thing I wish to say to
you in this e-mail, and I've long wanted to tell
you this, is that you were, I believe, the
direct product of a very genuine and potent
love-force between two people who, at the time,
cared very much for each other, and appreciated
each other very much; and, that because of that,
I also believe the "power of love" will ALWAYS
be close to you, and heavily supportive of you.
Apart from the odd short-lived hiccup, when
something happened which threw me into a blind
spin/daze of some kind, I have always deeply
loved your mother: almost from the very first
conversation I had with her. Though I have had
some lengthy relationships with a number of
other women during the years since I stopped
drinking in 1975, when it seemed to me I could
not be with you and your mother, and although the
relationships in question were very good and
worthwhile in many respects, the "feelings"
involved were nevertheless a bit like "pale
moonlight" in comparison to the "bright
sunshine" of those I have felt for your mother;
and, the fact that I know your mother no longer
wishes to have anything to do with me, seems to
make no difference at all to my feelings towards
her: probably because I blame myself, and to a
lesser extent the awful alcohol-related problems
my family of origin were saddled with -- not
your mother -- for the way I failed to turn up
in Melbourne in the early 1970s, as I
undoubtedly should have done, had I been in a
healthy enough state of existence to do so at
that particular time in my life. Whatever the
precise reason/s for the way all these things
turned out, the set of feelings for your mother
I ended up with are well described in the words
of the Don Gibson song
"I Can't Stop Loving
You" sung by the late Roy Orbison at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gItudUzYrl8I
never (in my wildest dreams) anticipated the trouble I ran into when I
went to Australia to see you in the run-up to
Christmas 1980. In early 1981, a woman lawyer
(in St Albans, England) advised me that as much as I
might like to do so, I probably would not be
able to maintain good relationships with both
you and your mother, because of the
circumstances, and the associated choice/s I
needed to make. Given the circumstances, I could
not protect
both of you
it was strongly suggested. Shortly afterwards, I, and I
alone, made the choice which I believed was most
protective of you (entirely because you were
only 12 at the time, and your mother was in her
mid-thirties then), while knowing that in making
that choice I would probably destroy the good
relationship I had with your mother: which, in
many respects was the most valuable possession I
had. It was as if life had somehow contrived to
force me into a situation whereby I had to
choose between doing something I found extremely
difficult to do (which was to do nothing of
substance about "the problem"), and doing
something that I found a tiny bit less difficult
to do.
Still, I have never regretted the
choice I made then: partly at least because the
body language of the woman lawyer I was seeking
legal help and guidance from seemed to instantly
and clearly signal that she believed I had made
the right choice (for all involved, and as far
as the "long-haul" was concerned, I have always liked to think).
Needless to say, I have ever since very much
regretted the cost of the choice I made in the
lawyer's office that day: in terms of my
destroyed relationship with your
mother.
"C'est la vie". (As you may
already know, some see that expression as Ned
Kelly's name, sort of, in the French
language.)I meant to try and
gently relate these things to you in 1990. But,
as you may recall, our potential to develop what
I hoped might turn into a good, healthy, and
close relationship with you at that time
suddenly nose-dived as a result of a single
phone-call (and my very strong negative
reactions to it) one Saturday morning some weeks
before Christmas 1990, from someone who was a
complete stranger to me, and who asked to speak
to you. Shortly afterwards, you informed me that
the firm plans we had made for the two of us
to spend part of Christmas 1990 in Ireland had been
completely scrapped.
More recently, I had hoped we
might have been able to talk about some (at
least) of the above things when you visited
Ireland last September. In the event, there was
not the time.
Now, with the new threat
for me of high blood-pressure, and all the
associated potential for heart attacks, strokes,
brain damage, sudden death, and so on, I feel I
might not ever get the chance to relate these things
to you, if I just keep on delaying until another
opportunity might arise in connection with my
planned trip to Melbourne in February
2013.
My brother Gerald never recovered
fully (as I see things) from the "family damage" he
suffered (through no fault of his own)
during the years before and after you were
born, and as a consequence he has never had
a relationship with any woman of the kind that
produced any children: and thus his unique blood-line
will end
with him. I often comfort myself with the
thought that the amazingly good qualities he
has, particularly in connection with such things
as kindness, patience (definitely
not
one of my strong points), gentleness, compassion,
and generosity, will survive to some extent
through the relatively "only slightly shuffled"
chemically-coded software in the gene-pool I
inherited and share with him, via you, Connor,
and Grace.
My concern now is that by
relating these things to you at this point in
time, and in this way, I may damage my long held
and growing wish to try and get to know you a
bit better. If that happens, I will just have to
accept it. On account of my age and the medical
problems I've got, I feel it's a risk that I should and
must take at this particular time. I hope you
will understand.
Instead of driving us
apart though, I also hope that the contents of this e-mail just
might somehow -- with the help of "The God of My
Extremely Limited Understanding", as I tend to
think of Her, Him, It, or Whatever "IT" is? --
help to bring us closer together. A slightly
unusual aspect perhaps of my thoughts
relating to God, is that I tend to think of
women as God's greatest and most
sophisticated creation, as far as "Life on
Earth" is concerned at least. This is
mostly because of the additional "hardware
and software" women need to produce babies,
and the mind-bending complexity and accuracy
of the interactions between the "written in
Chemistry Language" hardware and software in
question, to successfully complete the task. Consequently,
and if for some unexpected reason I was
forced to choose between the two, I'd be far
more inclined to think of God as a She, and
not a He.
I have
often in the past found myself thinking that the
"trials of life" must surely be meant to destroy
us. In more recent years though, I have
gradually found myself exploring more and more
what might be a better, more accurate, and more
constructive way of trying to explain the whole
phenomenon: perhaps their REAL purpose is to
improve and strengthen us as a species through
the forces of courage and love: as such
forces manifest themselves in individuals
who have the ability to be courageous in
terms of standing up to human rights abuses
in their daily lives, in addition to being
as loving as possible, in the most general ways
possible?
Maybe the
day will come, when the thinking of the "White
Fairies" will dominate the ways of "Life on
Earth": as the consequence of a significantly
large enough number of people learning how to
accurately "translate" their well-intentioned,
symbol-dependant messages, which take account of
the whole history of humanity I suspect: its
strengths, weaknesses, successes, failures,
and so on: and, most important of all
perhaps, the ability of humanity as a whole
to learn from its past mistakes?
Also, and as I
think I might have mentioned to you in the
Prince of Wales (Athlone) last September, in the mid
1980s, while on holiday in Ireland, my mother
told me some things about the exact time of my
birth (in what is now called University College Galway Hospital), which I felt at the time was a
bit of a strange strange
thing for her to do: especially as at the time,
her body language suggested that she herself was
unsure as to why she was telling me. It happened
in the middle of a normal conversation, and when
she realised I was a bit surprised, she added:
"I told you that, because I felt it might be
important for you to know", and then she gently
returned to where she had broken off from the
normal conversation. Fifteen years or so later,
I suddenly discovered that the time and date of
my birth she mentioned would have been the exact
time, more or less, that the light from the Sun
crosses the "end stone" in Cairn T (which is
believed by many to be King Ollamh Fodhla's
grave, who was the father of King Finnachta /
"
Fionn
Sneachta/ "Snow White" / Finnerty), and which is about 25
miles to the north-west of the Hill of Tara. March 21st 1945 (my
birthday, and I was born just after dawn according
to what my mother informed me) is the day of the Spring Equinox in
the Northern Hemisphere, and
King Ollamh Fodhla
is renowned in legal academic circles around the
world for his highly compassionate, and highly
successful, "
Brehon Law"
justice system, which he first put in place in
Ireland around 1200 BC according to some sources
of such information. If interested, there is
more on what I fully realise might be nothing
more than a string of pure coincidences at
http://www.finnachta.com/Hotmail8Oct2004/SignsOfImprovement.htm.
Coincidences or not though, I know for sure that
had it not been for this
"paranormal set of
very personal hints" (as I
sometimes speculate they
might have been?), I
would never, ever have persisted with all
the effort, time, and money involved, to
challenge government crime to the extent that I
have been doing since 1998, when I returned to
Ireland, to retire here. These "hints" have
often been
the "spurs", and sometimes the
"crutches", that have enabled me to "keep on going":
through a long string of sometimes exceptionally difficult
and/or doubtful times for me,
when, was it not for their presence, I
very firmly believe I would have given up --
several years ago -- and simply just walked
away from the whole frightening and complex
mess of trying to successfully challenge the
exceptionally deep-rooted and difficult to
dislodge social curse (as I see it) of
"government crime".
So, even if
it's of little or no interest to you now, some
of the above information might nevertheless take
on a new meaning for you at some later point in your
life. Or, allowing for all of the superhuman
wizardry and dynamics of the chemical
genetic processes involved in the creation
of future generations, in Connor's or in Grace's lives later
on, or in one or more of their
grandchildren's lives, great grandchildren, or
whatever.
I'll end by saying that for me,
regarding my relationship with your mother, it's
all been a bit like the way the late Johnny Cash
explains things in his short introduction to
"I'll Take You Home Again Kathleen" at
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aK1OZZ-TOuM,
and that it was in that little "Corner of
Heaven" you were conceived.
Dad
xxx.
P.S.
"Remember Bob: no
fear, no envy, and no meanness!!" (Liam
Clancy/Bob Dylon at:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=te5TUg1bdqM)
